Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Randomize
