You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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