Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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