why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
