He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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