i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Pants are for mortals
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
