i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
