I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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