I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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