I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
