Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
