Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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