Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
