You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
