This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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