I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
