did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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