So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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