so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
