I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
