I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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