Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
