Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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