you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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