Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
