is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
