My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
