I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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