She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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