He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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