he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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