At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
