you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
