my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
