I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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