my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
