Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
