I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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