i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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