I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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