I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
