Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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