You smell like stripper and shame
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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