Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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