peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
