What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
