Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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