Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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