it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
