Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my shit smells like andre
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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