So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
