I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
