She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
